I hear a buzzing from the wasp nest.

It’s alarming

for a moment.

Then I remember that I just sprayed them with a nerve agent

and the buzzing is probably just involuntary seizures.

They’ll tucker themselves out before too long.


Sorry wasps.

This is human territory

and I can’t have you living under my pool deck.

It’s probably a liability or something.

We have whole systems for these sorts of things

but you don’t understand that

cause you’re wasps

and you’re too busy dying

from my consumer-grade chemical weapons.


I go inside and make some eggs.

They’re from local, free-range chickens

who are loved

as much as a person can love

a piece of property.


One of my cats snuggles up to me and I scritch his tummy lovingly.

I have to remember to give him the Frontline or he won’t have poison superpowers against the ticks.